A Beautiful Coalition
Aunt Amoi on Family, Love, Faith and Staying Connected
Every family has someone who carries the stories.
The person who remembers the names, the personalities, the places people lived,
who raised whom, who stayed close, and how one generation became the next.
In our family, one of those people is Aunt Amoi.
Born on April 29, 1937, Aunt Amoi is now 89 years old and stands as the
matriarch of a family whose roots have grown into many branches, many
generations, many shades, many cultures, and many stories.
When Ashley Hughes asked Aunt Amoi what word or phrase came to mind when
she thought about our family, Aunt Amoi gave an answer that could almost serve as
our family motto:
“We are a beautiful coalition. We come in all shades and colors.”
And she is right.
Our family story has never been simple or one-dimensional. It is layered.
Aunt Amoi’s mother—our great-grandmother—had 10 children and was married
three times. Some of those children had different fathers, creating different family
branches while still remaining part of one family.
The first family was known as the Varner Family. Marynette, affectionately
known as Mitzi, was born on February 2, 1935, and was the youngest child of that
first family.
Then came Aunt Amoi.
Aunt Amoi became the oldest child of the second family, the Leung Family.
Aunt Amoi and her sisters Meiling and Yen , who are still living today, shared
the same father, who was Chinese. Aunt Amoi is about four years older than
Meiling and five years older than Yen.
Their mother eventually married a third time. Her final husband was Filipino and
became Aunt Amoi’s stepfather.So when Aunt Amoi says our family comes in all shades and colors, she is not
speaking only in metaphor.
She is talking about us.
Our faces.
Our backgrounds.
Our bloodlines.
Our cultures.
Our history.
“I Had a Beautiful Childhood”
During the interview, Ashley asked Aunt Amoi if she had happy memories from
childhood, her answer came easily.
“I had a beautiful childhood.”
Aunt Amoi remembered playing with her brothers and sisters and growing up in a
home where the children understood that they had to listen to their mother.
Their mother was a single parent for a long period of time, and she taught her
children something that would stay with them for life:
They had to look after one another.
Aunt Amoi remembered the family as close-knit.
They may not have had a lot materially, but what they did have was each other.
“We stuck together because we didn’t have much,” Aunt Amoi said. “We had
each other, which was the most beautiful gift that our mother could give us.”
There is something powerful in that statement.
Their greatest inheritance was not money.
It was each other.
Their mother’s message was simple:“You have to take care of each other.”
Aunt Amoi carried that teaching with her into adulthood and raised her own
children with the same values.
She believes that, for the most part, many members of our family have continued
that tradition, especially within their own immediate families.
Aunt Amoi also remembered growing up with her sisters and her brother Delano,
who has since passed away.
Delano was the only boy among all those girls and, at that time, the main male
figure among the siblings.
Aunt Amoi acknowledged that being the one boy surrounded by all those sisters
probably was not always easy.
But they were together.
And being together mattered.
When Family Time Really Meant Family Time
Aunt Amoi also sees how much family life has changed.
Technology is everywhere now.
Phones are at the table.
People text instead of calling.
Sometimes people can be in the same room while everybody is looking at a
different screen.
That was not how Aunt Amoi grew up, and it certainly was not how she raised her
children.
“We couldn’t sit at the table with a cell phone to have dinner,” she
(hypothetically) said. “That was a no-no.”
Of course, Aunt Amoi has not completely rejected technology.
She simply has her own way of dealing with it.During the conversation she told Ashley:
“I’m not good with all this texting and stuff, but I can get my computer up.
It’s not up and running yet, but I use my cell phone most of the time. I do
know how to do that.”
She was joking.
And then came one of the funniest moments of the interview.
Aunt Amoi gave Ashley her email address.
It was an AOL address.
Some families preserve recipes.
Some preserve old photographs.
Apparently, Aunt Amoi is also doing her part to preserve AOL.
But that is part of what makes her so endearing.
She may call herself old-fashioned, but she is still communicating, still using her
cell phone, still sending email, and still finding ways to stay connected.
And at 89, Aunt Amoi does not seem particularly impressed by the number
attached to her age.
“I’m 89 or something like that,” she joked, “but it’s just a number.”
She still walks.
She still gets exercise.
She keeps moving.
And she is still very much engaged with the life of this family.
Dorothy Marie: The Sister Who Took Care of Her
Some of Aunt Amoi’s most meaningful memories involve her older sister, Dorothy
Marie.
Dorothy Marie was our grandmother.Much of the family knew her as Marie, while her siblings called her Ann Marie.
She was the oldest sibling and lived an extraordinary 100 years.
Having a grandmother who reached 100 years old was a blessing to our family. Her
life stretched across an entire century, allowing multiple generations of us the rare
opportunity to know, love, and learn from someone who carried so much history
within her.
When Aunt Amoi was young, Dorothy Marie helped take care of her.
That bond remained important throughout their lives.
When Aunt Amoi later married and moved to the Philippines, she lost contact with
quite a few relatives.
But she never lost track of Marie.
Aunt Amoi said she always knew where Marie was.
She also stayed in touch with Mitzi, who was only about two years older than she
was.
Those sisterly relationships became anchors.
No matter how far life carried her, there were certain people who still felt like
home.
When Aunt Amoi reflected on how our family began expanding into later
generations, she said:
“It started with Marie and her children.”
By the time their mother passed away, Aunt Amoi remembered that she had 76
grandchildren.
Seventy-six grandchildren.
And according to Aunt Amoi, our family has now reached into the fourth and fifth
generations.
That is a lot of family.
And that is exactly why she believes we need family reunions.“You May Be Trying to Marry Your Own Cousin”
When Ashley asked Aunt Amoi why family reunions were important, Aunt Amoi
gave an answer that was funny—but she was also completely serious.
“You may have been trying to marry your own cousin and not know it.”
Then she made sure Ashley understood.
“I’m serious.”
Our family has grown so large that there are nieces, nephews, cousins, children,
grandchildren and later generations who have never met one another.
Aunt Amoi herself has relatives she has never met.
Some of us may live in the same city and not know it.
Some may pass each other in stores, restaurants, schools, churches or
neighborhoods without having any idea that we share family.
Aunt Amoi said:
“There are some family members who I do not know their whereabouts.
Sometimes I’m shocked to see them at weddings or funerals and I say to
myself, ‘Oh my gosh, I did not even know they were in the city.’”
And then she said something important:
“It should not be like that.”
That is where the family reunion becomes more than a party.
It becomes a way to reconnect the branches.
A place where names finally get attached to faces.
A place where younger generations can learn who belongs to whom.
A place where people can say:
That is your cousin.
That was your grandmother’s sister.That is your mother’s cousin.
That is where you come from.
The Cousin Across the Street
Ashley had a story that proved Aunt Amoi’s point almost perfectly.
Ashley had been living in her home for approximately four years.
During those same four years, her cousin Glecia was living directly across the
street.
Not somewhere across town.
Not several blocks away.
Directly across the street.
And they did not know.
For four years.
Ashley and Aunt Amoi laughed about it during the conversation because the
situation was almost unbelievable.
But it also became the perfect example of why we need to do a better job of
knowing one another.
Two cousins can literally be neighbors and not know they are family.
Aunt Amoi mentioned relatives living in Las Vegas and said she has encouraged
them to reach out to one another.
“You have to tell them who you are,” she said, “and then they open the door.”
And perhaps this reunion can be that open door.
“This family reunion might be a good way to get started,” Aunt Amoi said.
“And those of us who come after can keep it going.”
That last part matters.
This is not only about one reunion.It is about what happens afterward.
Nineteen Years Apart
Ashley and Aunt Amoi know personally how easily years can pass.
During their conversation, they talked about the fact that there had once been a 19-
year gap between the last time they had seen one another.
Nineteen years passed.
They finally saw each other again in 2019.
But it was under painful circumstances.
They reunited at our grandmother Dorothy Marie’s funeral service.
Dorothy Marie passed away on October 23, 2019, after living to the remarkable
age of 100.
There is something deeply meaningful about that part of the story.
A funeral brought family back together.
But Aunt Amoi’s message is that funerals should not be the only thing that does.
We should come together for joy too.
For reunions.
For birthdays.
For cookouts.
For celebrations.
For conversations.
For no reason other than the fact that we are still here.
Because 19 years can pass before anyone realizes where the time went.
Faith, Family and “God Is Love”Religion has also become part of our family story.
A large portion of our family became Jehovah’s Witnesses, while others attend
Black Christian churches or follow other Christian traditions.
Aunt Amoi herself is Catholic.
She understands that religion can create differences between relatives, but she does
not believe those differences should become a reason to judge each other.
“I do not want to offend anyone due to their religion,” she said. “But still, God
is love. That’s my belief.”
Then she added:
“I am a Catholic. I may not be a good practicing Catholic, but I’m still a
baptized Catholic.”
And when it comes to everybody else?
“I have no reason to judge anyone.”
That may be another lesson worth carrying forward.
We do not have to believe exactly alike in order to love each other.
Aunt Amoi still believes in some old-fashioned ways of keeping relationships
alive.
She sends Christmas cards.
She reaches out.
She notices when relatives disappear from contact.
And she does not like the idea of family members only discovering one another at
funerals and weddings.
As she looked at everything our family has become, she said:
“I know that I have a huge family, and it’s beautiful to watch.”
Even Our Facebook Page Needs a Family ReunionOur family has also tried to use social media to stay connected.
There is a Facebook page dedicated to the family:
All Rita’s Children
Aunt Amoi has used the page to share photographs and family information so
relatives can keep up with one another.
Unfortunately, somewhere along the way, another family that is apparently not
related to ours became mixed into the page.
Nobody seems completely sure how it happened.
Maybe it was mistaken identity.
Maybe similar names caused confusion.
Whatever the reason, people outside the family became connected to what was
supposed to be a family space.
That has made Aunt Amoi less comfortable posting photographs.
The page could use a little family housekeeping so relatives can once again feel
comfortable sharing information and pictures in a space meant for us.
And there is something almost funny about how perfectly this fits the rest of the
story.
We have cousins who do not know they are cousins.
Meanwhile, people who apparently are not our cousins somehow ended up on the
family Facebook page.
If that does not prove that we need to straighten out the family tree, nothing will.
“Family, There Is So Much Beauty”
As Ashley and Aunt Amoi talked, one message kept returning.
Family has to be cared for.
Aunt Amoi learned that from her mother.Her mother taught those 10 children to look after each other.
Dorothy Marie helped take care of Aunt Amoi.
Aunt Amoi later raised her own children with the same expectation.
And now she is handing that lesson to us.
Reach out.
Introduce yourself.
Learn the names.
Learn the relationships.
Ask questions while our elders are still here to answer them.
Do not assume there will always be another year.
Find out which cousins live nearby.
Find out who lives across the street.
Send the card.
Make the phone call.
Attend the reunion.
Take the photograph.
Tell the story.
And when we disagree—about religion, lifestyles, generations or anything else—
remember what Aunt Amoi said:
“God is love.”
At 89 years old, Aunt Amoi has watched our family grow from her mother’s 10
children into dozens of grandchildren and eventually fourth and fifth generations.
She has lived in another country.
She has watched siblings grow older.She has experienced loss.
She has lost contact and reconnected.
She has watched our family become more culturally diverse and geographically
spread out.
And after seeing all of that, when she looks at us, she still sees beauty.
“We are a beautiful coalition.”
“We come in all shades and colors.”
And perhaps the most beautiful thing she said during the entire conversation was
also one of the simplest:
“And family, there is so much beauty.”
So as we gather for this reunion, let us enjoy one another.
Let us honor those who came before us.
Let us remember Dorothy Marie and the remarkable 100 years she gave this
family.
Let us listen to Aunt Amoi while we are blessed to still have her stories, her humor,
and her memories.
Let us learn who is standing beside us.
Let us introduce ourselves to relatives we have never met.
Let us exchange numbers.
Let us take pictures.
Let us laugh.
And when this reunion is over, let us not allow the connection to end with it.
Because long before cell phones, Facebook, email—or Aunt Amoi’s beloved AOL
address—our great-grandmother had already given the family the only instruction
we really needed:
Take care of each other.That was their gift.
That is our inheritance.
And now it is our turn to keep it going.
Written by Tori Watts · Tribe 1
Based on an interview with Aunt Amoi Leung, conducted by Ashley Hughes.